Daddy and a friend have decided we're buying an aircraft carrier to go treasure hunting.  Thing 1 wants in - and there happens to be one on the market.  Thing 1:  "So, here's the deal.  Daddy, Paul and I, we'll all put our money in a bucket.  I'll add my 1's and 5's and Paul and Daddy will add all their dollars, like thousands and millions and all their, well, their whole caboodle.  And we'll take it all and be partners.  And if Thing 2 wants in, she can add her quarter."

Thing 1 on my being a tad slow exchanging her coins for a paper dollar:  "One dollar!  Duh, TIGER BLOOD!"  

Thanks, cousin Jenn.

Mind Reader

Thing 1:  "I don't know what you call it, but Mommy's thoughts leak out and I catch them, so I know what she's thinking.  But, she's so smart that there's always something she adds in that I can't quite grab."  Daddy: "Can you do that with me?"  Thing 1: "Well, you have a lot less thoughts than Mommy, so not that many leak out."

Our gardener is named Armando.  He works with a couple other guys.  Thing 2 thinks that the word for gardner is "mando" as in, "Those are our mandos.  I LOVE our mandos!"

Daddy:  "Thing 1, if you become a movie star and play a role where you need a daddy, would you let me try out of the part?"


Thing 1 with a huge smile: "Of course, daddy."  Then smile fades, "But you'd need some serious training first."

Thing 1: "Daddy, what does unpleasant mean?"  I supply definition.  Thing 1:  "Oh, so if I got wrapped in toilet paper, that would be unpleasant."

Thing 2, after a lengthy perusal of SI's Swimsuit Edition:  "Mommy, these girls have tall boobies!  Your boobies aren't so tall."

Thing 1: "Daddy, what matters if I dress like a refugee?  You should care about how I am, not how I look."

Daddy, says,  "I wish I could have a bunk bed party like you girls do."  Thing 1 responds: "Well you guys could have a normal bed party where you give Mommy backrubs and she gives you backrubs. That's what you like."  Daddy: "Okay, then what does Mommy like?"  Thing 1 replies: "Well, she likes to snore."

Thing 2: "My pooper hurts."

Thing 1: "Daddy, why are the first three Star Wars movies so much worse than the second three?"  "I don't know."  Thing 1: "Maybe George Lucas got old and forgot how to make good movies."


Note: Thing 1 has yet to see any of the movies.

Thing 1, on getting help with her sweater:  "Daddy, can you help me take this off?  I'm sweatering hot!"

On why she wore a name tag to the airport, Thing 1: "So if I get lost, it'll help people get me back to my owners."

Thing 1, on seeing a picture of Louise Brooks: "I want my hair to look like that: a kid that looks like a lady."

Thing 1 on Dancing

"We all feel different emotions.  You just put those emotions in your body, and bang goes the dance!"

Comments during a hike in the rain

On seeing a manhole cover with an "S" on it, Thing 1 says: "That's there because I'm a favor to the world.  Because I investigate how to make everyone better."  Then, "I wish I could be a critter in this wonderful world."  And finally, "Daddy, we're like Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the Arctic!

Thing 1: "Grandma spoils me and Mommy and Daddy tough me out."

Thing 1: "Know what the most important thing is for kids?  Learning to laugh."

Today, Thing 1 discovers that trees don't create wind by moving, but wind that moves the trees.

On being told that she can't watch her show and hold the toy Thing 2 wants, Thing 1 says, "But Daddy, I'm multi-tasking!"